Brooke usually goes to sleep at around 10. I usually roll 11 or 11:30. And last night, as the night was winding down, all I could think about was waiting until she went to sleep so I could eat more food without her knowing.

Like it doesn’t count if no one sees me do it.

And it’s something I’ve done forever. Bowl after bowl of cereal after my parents went to bed (making sure to open the plastic bags ever so gently so they couldn’t hear it), Hot Pockets after my roommates were asleep… Bags of popcorn, soda, McDonald’s, etc.

It’s part of addiction. We do these things even though we know it’s ridiculous. We begin regretting it even before we do it and we do it anyway.

So last night, I kept an eye on Brooke, waiting for her to fall asleep, dreaming about the food. Mind you, we had already eaten dinner; it doesn’t matter.

But last night, something happened. I turned to her and was completely honest.

“For the last hour, all I’ve thought about is you falling asleep so I can go to the kitchen and just eat without you knowing about it.”

And we talked about it.

And she kept it simple.

“Why don’t you just stay and try to sleep?”

And it makes sense.

We’ve had a solid 12 days of October. I haven’t done the late-night hiding binge in a couple weeks. If I can stay honest about it, abstinence will become a habit. I’ve lived it. I’m currently living it.

So, we slept. And it’s worth it. No self loathing this morning; just a healthy appetite for a healthy breakfast.

We have to figure out a way to win these little battles because they lead to permanent changes. And we have to be honest even when it’s embarrassing.

Especially then.

Last night, I won a little battle. And today I feel better about myself. Positive thinking, baby. It goes a long way.