It’s 12:12 in the morning February 12th, 2012.

12:12 2/12/2012. 

I’m sitting here feeling heavy, drowsy, and a little depressed. It’s been a bad week, food-wise. It happens. We take the punches the best we can and hope tomorrow will be better. Sometimes it is, sometimes it’s not. 

But I’m sitting here scrolling through the archives of this blog. The Februarys, specifically, and I can’t help but get a little cheered up.

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2011: Last year around this time I weighed 234 pounds. I was coming off my first-ever running injury and excited to be back in the game. I was spending my time taking pictures of myself in the mirror and singing Disney songs with my good friend Lee Ann. I was getting ready to fly to Wisconsin to spend Valentines with Brooke. A good trip.

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2010: Oy. February 2010. Started it off right with a gall bladder attack. Weight: 240 pounds. I was dating April at the time and we raced the Valentine’s 5K to a PR for me at 22:01. Also got my wisdom teeth taken out. Best weekend ever. I apparently spent Valentine’s Day with Jed running in Conway. Sketchy. Highlight though? Trying to shame Guy into not cashing a check for money I owed him. Didn’t work.

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2009: Weight: 320 pounds. And I was stoked about it. Perspective. Became an uncle. Spent lots of time climbing Pinnacle Mountain. Rocking size 42 pants, down from size 50. Ran the Valentine’s 5K in 32:38—a PR. Second month of doing life. 

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2008: The worst month of my life. Weight: 355 pounds. Highlight? The Red Sox beating Boston College and Northwestern and me thinking about renting a movie. Obviously it was a good month.

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It’s now 1:00 a.m. and I’ve spent way too much time going through the archives, but I’m a little more cheerful (and a little more drowsy.)

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. We ebb and we flow on this journey. 

Happiness is not a fish you can catch.

Tomorrow’s a new day and the day after that I start with the personal trainer. I’ve got a good girl, a good dog, a good family, and a good city. I’ve got a million reasons to be happy with my life. And I am. We’re gonna eff up sometimes. We just gotta get back on the horse. Even if it’s for the thousandth time. Because we know it’s better than the alternative. And it is.

Good night, y’all. (Good morning, east coast).