A run will never cheat on you.

A run will never borrow your car and return it with no gas.

A run will never get drunk and throw up on you.

A run will never text in your face while you tell it a story.

A run will never make you work overtime.

A run will never say it’ll be there and then not show up.

A run will never give you an “our servers are over capacity” error message.

A run will never set a drink on your coffee table without a coaster.

A run will never update its Facebook status telling you how wonderful its spouse is.

A run will never leave the toilet seat up.

A run will never get into the express lane with 25 items.

A run will never read over your shoulder on the subway.

A run will never pronounce it “supposebly.”

A run will never use caps lock.

A run will never deal you a 7 when you have 15.

A run will never leave its Christmas lights up until February.

A run will never put an orange and an apple in your stocking to take up space. (I love you mom.)

A run will never charge you a service fee for paying with credit card.

A run will just be there for you and kick your ass when you need it. And when it does, you will thank it.